"I don't do: Christmas in July, Country (visits or the music), Late finishes - although very happy to do early starts, or Fancy Dress..."
I was not really after any of the above so she got the job. We've been getting along just fine in the 18 months or so that she's been working with us mainly due to my observation of her rules. So it was with some trepidation that I confessed to her that I had to attend a Medieval Themed Fancy Dress Banquet. Her opinion of me shattered, I vowed to make it a memorable night and truly show her that dressing up is indeed one of life's great pleasures.
To get my Medieval on, I borrowed a wenches dress. Yep - someone I know had one just hanging around and offered it... Sir Velence (the Propeller Head) looked resplendent in a Knights costume bought online, with chain mail, foam shield and a plastic sword. The kids wanted to be in on the action too. Max is never held back by convention. Or any other restraint really so he joined Oscar the dragon, Sir Velence and Lady Likesaslot as Buzz Lightyear for a quick family pic before we headed out for a night with the other Dungeons and Dragons support acts and a few gallons of mulled wine to make it all bearable.
The banquet had the potential to be great fun... If you enjoyed sword fights, suckling pig, candelabras, overflowing bosoms, goblets and Greensleeves... We were on the verge of having a brilliant time when I realised that we had hit the mulled wine pretty hard and should probably get out before the Chain Dancing started. This is where our trouble and brush with the law began...
Taxis don't visit Guildford after dark unless they are passing through on the way to the airport. Being a beautiful suburb wedged between Midland and Lockridge has never run in Guildford's favour and on this night, no taxis were running in our favour. We started walking in the general direction of 'home'. After a few kilometres walking along the main road, we ditched plans for a taxi (along with sensibility and decided that back streets would get us home quicker. The back streets of Bassendean, Ashfield and Bayswater had the occasional working streetlight and we had comfortable shoes on so we kept walking and walking and walking. Two guys came past on bikes (or one guy came past twice). Another person sat in the gutter with a backpack and didn't look up when we staggered by. Other than that, it was all rather quiet until about 15 mins from home and a police chopper shined its big yellow light down on us and started following.
We were very drunk and very tired by this stage. I was grateful for the assisted passage but really didn't think much of it until a police car and 2 officers pulled up within a couple of minutes. With their lights shining on our sweaty red faces, Sir Velence was offered, "Good evening Sir - is there any reason you are dressed like that?". WTF? You mean people actually dress like this without a reason? I started rambling about dragons, damsels in distress and pitchers of mead... The cops didn't wait for an answer, took a brief look at my Knights blunt and obviously plastic sword, got back in their car, called off the helicopter search light and took off into the night.
Two hours after departing the banquet, we made it home and flopped into bed.
In between doses of panadol the next morning, I was curious about the police, so I had a look at the local news to see if there had indeed, been anything newsworthy happening in the hood last night. It turns out that yes - there was a service station hold up, by a man with a hood and a large knife.
We were a block from a real and serious crime, yet in my lovely assistants eyes, the main crime committed was Fancy Dress. It will never happen again.
That is hilarious! Lucy you do such a brilliant job of describing your stories, love it. :)
ReplyDeleteVery glad you got home ok and that Sir Velence was not arrested by accident.